Marriage in Your 30s Is Not What Instagram Said It Would Be

(And I’m so glad it’s not.)

Instagram will have you thinking marriage in your 30s is either a disaster or a dream.
It's either constant fighting, trust issues, and passive-aggressive TikToks…

Or spotless homes, effortless wealth, candlelit date nights, and couples who seem to have zero worries (and apparently endless time for matching outfits and aesthetic home gyms).

But the truth?

It’s way more real—and way better—than either of those extremes.

We’ve been together for 12 years—married for 6—and no, it hasn’t all been date nights and couple’s selfies in matching denim. Marriage in your 30s, at least for us, is a mix of being best friends, business partners, gym buddies, co-dog parents, personal hype squads, and occasional passive-aggressive dishwasher critics.

It’s quiet sometimes.
It’s go-go-go other times.
It’s both. And it’s a season.

We’ve taken a different path.

We don’t have kids (yet), and some people assume that means we must have a ton of time, money, and no stress. I wish. The truth is: we’re building something right now. A life. A marriage. A future we don’t want to just fall into—we want to design it. Together.

We plan. We dream. We travel.
We walk our dogs every single day.
We challenge each other. We do 75 Hard side by side.
We watch Brooklyn 99 or The Office while cooking dinner and half-working on our laptops.
We remind each other why we started.

We talk. About everything.
Wins. Losses. Business ideas. Fears. Finances. Faith. Future kids. What we’re learning. What we’re struggling with. What we want next.

We over-communicate, honestly. And we’re better for it.

The real stuff no one talks about:

Marriage in your 30s isn’t all curated brunch dates and gold rings glinting in candlelight. It’s sometimes sitting in a living room filled with half-done DIY projects wondering how your dogs still shed this much. It’s starting businesses. It’s moving away. It’s pushing through hard conversations and fighting for closeness on the days it would be easier to check out.

But it’s also sunrise coffees in Mexico. Hiking rice fields in Bali. Working out together. Growing together. Rooting for each other even when one of you is having a tough week (or month). It’s deep joy with a healthy dose of “you’re really going to leave that there?”

What I wish more people knew:

We’re not perfect. We’ve annoyed each other, argued, misunderstood, and had to check our own pride more times than I can count.

But we’ve never stopped choosing each other.

Marriage in your 30s doesn’t need to look like a Pinterest board. It needs to feel like safety, teamwork, friendship, growth, and grace. And maybe a shared love for sitcoms, dogs, and post-workout smoothies.

If that’s what forever looks like—I’m in.

— Nicole 🖤